This has been a busy week for me...but in a good way!
During the past few years, Holy Week (the week leading up to Easter) for me, has been CRAZY busy and stressful...not exactly what you envision when you work for the Church.
I know that the Church has always stressed that Holy Week is a time for contemplation, meditation and prayer based on the Passion, Death and Resurrection of Christ...but in reality, if you work for the Church, it's a very busy time of preparation, rehearsal and worry. At least, it has been for me! I wanted to make sure everything would be perfect for the people of God attending all the services this week- I wanted it to be beautiful, meaningful and seamless.
My Mom and step-dad came to visit me and Kevin a couple of times during Easter in Klamath Falls...until I finally told them that it was such a busy time for me that I couldn't really spend any time with them. I WANTED everything to be ready in advance and to really experience Holy Week and Easter as a joyful and wonderful time. It just never happened that way. Something always came up at the last minute that needed attention and Holy Week was busy and stressful. By the end of Easter Vigil, I was exhausted, exhilarated and usually had a migraine in the making for Easter morning. Easter Sunday meant a day in bed, recuperating, and Kevin making dinner that I didn't feel like eating. It was worth it, though, because I served the Lord and the people of God! And I loved every minute of it...
Now, I have to say that this year has been...wierd.
I attended the Triduum (tri-three, duum -day from Latin) services at Corpus Christi in Carson City this week. I didn't have to do anything except show up and participate as one of the 'butts in the pew'. Those of you who know me will understand my expression!
It made me cry every single day because in all truth, I MISSED being involved in the life and mission of the Church as a minister. On the other hand, it was wonderful because I could just go and pray and immerse myself in the mystery of the passion, death and resurrection of Jesus as a participant and not as a leader.
I didn't miss the responsibility and authority, but I missed being actively involved...I found myself questioning why Corpus Christi did it that way, or why so few people were involved...I guess I miss being a part of the mystery of faith.
What I loved was allowing the readings and rituals and liturgy to once again wash over me, embrace me, and immerse me after so many years being 'in charge' -and to enjoy and breathe in the depth of the Catholic Church and her liturgies through the centuries-old traditions. I loved being able to wipe away tears of sorrow and joy at the readings and not worry if I had to be 'on' for the service at hand. I loved being able to sit in silence and worship at the time of adoration of the Eucharist when it was carried to the Altar of Repose after the Mass of the Lord's Supper; I love being able to walk away in complete silence after reverently walking up to the Cross and kissing the places where the nails were driven into the hands of Christ through the wood of the Cross. I loved watching the wonder and awe on the faces of those who were about to be received into the Church and listening to the readings of Sacred Scripture that focused on the story of Salvation History. I loved every single minute of it...but I missed, so ardently, being a part of the process.
It has made me realize that I need to go have a chat with the Pastor and find a place where I can volunteer.
I don't need the responsibility or authority- but I need to be a part of this, again.
I am so very proud of my friends who were received into the Church this year- as well as all of those throughout the world who made the decision to join the Church!
Being a Christian is not an easy path- but it is worth it!
He is Risen! Alleluia! He is Risen, Indeed! Alleluia! (Paschal Greeting during the season of Easter)